Stop Fixing. Start Loving
by bryan maynard
Most people who choose to begin mindfulness work have tried numerous approaches to healing their minds and they’ve often done years and years of work. It can be daunting to try again. One man told a group of soldiers today that he’s frustrated because the people helping him are saying, “You need to do this or do that to get more healthy.” His voice carried conviction and contrition when he followed up with, “What I want to say to them is, ‘I’ve done that! If anyone knows what I need to be doing, it’s me’. Why does this keep happening?”
One idea I had while listening to this broken man is: What if he stopped trying to fix himself? That’s it: he just stopped fixing altogether. What if he said to himself, “Hey, you’ve been working on this all your life. Why don’t you stop kicking yourself so much about this. What if you came to see yourself as beaten down, tired, exhausted with this thing and let go of getting better by offering intentional acceptance toward this part of yourself.” After listening to him a few minutes, I decided to press in a little. “Will you try something with me? Close your eyes and breath slowly, in…out.” As he settled into his breathing, I asked him to repeat these words: “”I’ve tried so hard…”I’m so tired of failing…”I’m a good man…” (and with this, he fell apart).
I don’t know anyone who has too much healthy love or too much healthy encouragement, and I know even fewer who know how to offer it to themselves. We struggle to extend lovingkindness to ourselves. Deep down, I think the only thing that can heal a lifetime of being stuck and being at the ‘mercy of people and circumstances’ is to learn how to love ourselves as we are. When we learn to do this for ourselves, it can have miraculous power. Somehow all the efforts we use to ‘fix this’ part of ourselves just fall away when we adopt the acceptance approach to change and growth. The light of change and growth come almost without effort when compared to the efforts of “fixing.”
Stop fixing. Start loving. Be loving to YOU. Fixing can be a subtle form of being mean to yourself. You’re not lazy!
You are loved!! This is the truest thing about you in this world. You are loved!! Let it come in. Let it come in and soak yourself in it. Let it wash over you and and run down into those dark places.
Much love to you 🙂